Pregnancy Journal Entry 1

Hello Lovelies, I wanted a way to keep you all updated on my pregnancy journey with baby number 2! Every month I’ll be making a blog entry, I wrote this one at the end of my first trimester and only got around to sharing because…well…life! Enjoy x

Shhhh it’s a secret

The secret is out, baby Knowles-Hamester number 2 is cooking and will be arriving sometime between May – June 2020. What a journey this one has been and so different than the last time. We began trying back in May and while the first time round was a very nice surprise it was absolutely not planned. I expected I would get pregnant relatively soon so when my period came I got a little pang of sadness. I felt silly for this as I know and follow so many amazingly positive women who struggle with fertility so after one month of trying was expecting too much? Then three more months went by. Three more periods and three more occasions of feeling that emptiness.

The Holiday

I had been pretty stressed with work and was having some challenges with my business so we decided to take a family holiday to reconnect, relax and just unwind. We pack up head to the airport for a trip to visit my aunt, her husband and their gorgeous kids in Ibiza (the pretty, hippie, family part of the island). Not that you need to know details but 2 days into the holiday things got a little steamy, as steamy as they can get for a married couple with a toddler but you catch my drift. The next morning I woke up, did some yoga beside the pool and i just knew that I was pregnant. It felt different this time than the months before.

Moment of Truth

Fast forward four weeks and I wasn’t going to take a test straight away, i thought lets wait a few days to see if I’m late which I was. So off I go to Waitrose to grab some pate, blue cheese and tests because if the test is negative at least I can indulge in a forbidden fruit. I always wonder what the person at the counter is thinking when you buy a test. Are they gauging your happiness? Looking for a sign of embarrassment or worse, regret? I just meet them with a smile showingthat I’m in fact super excited and totally prepared for a positive! I get the same feeling I get when I buy alcohol and I don’t have my ID on me. I’m pretending I’m old and mature enough even though I don’t have to pretend because it is in fact, my reality. In this scenario I’m being overly happy, even though I am overly happy at the prospect of being a Mum! Any psychologists out there care to explain that? Human’s are weird, or maybe it’s just me!

This was on a Friday so I wait for the Saturday as the hormone that is picked up on the test is stronger in the morning. After taking the test I wait anxiously, and then the 2 lines appear! Yes, congratulations us, we did it and here we go again! Run into the bedroom, Gus you’re going to be a big brother!! He gives me a peanut butter covered smile but has no idea whats going on when Mummy and Daddy start cuddling and cry/laughing.

The day we got a positive!

The Early Days

So then you’re 4 weeks in, and you’ve got another 8 to go until you tell people (that’s if you wait until 12 weeks). Which we chose to do! In both pregnancies I found this time the hardest. The majority of the time you feel like utter shit, totally drained, foggy headed and absolutely NOT glowing. No-one knows why but you think everyone suspects something, they probably don’t but you still feel like you have to make excuse after excuse to justify why you keep forgetting something, why you’re so tired or why you’ve cancelled a meeting 10 times! The reality is they most likely have idea. When I was 5 weeks my Dad sat across from me and watched me pick blue cheese out of the sandwich I just ordered, I had a minor lapse of judgement and completely forgot about the whole no blue cheese thing, sad times! Dad asked why I was taking the blue cheese out and in a moment of panic I said “ahh I just decided I don’t want it”, he fully accepted this explanation without question. Good one Dad!

I’ve got some great tips for surviving the first trimester and some even better tips for surviving it while still breast feeding a toddler but I’ll reserve those for my next pregnancy blog post! For now though, I’m off to do some mindful movement and fit in a little pregnancy yoga because my neighbour is playing some really droning house music which sounds like it’s inside my ear and I really need some namaste right now. Don’t worry about me, No really I’m fine! Next week is the second trimester so apparently I’ll be glowing and full of energy…watch this space!

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